Why Are False Allegations of Domestic Violence Rarely Prosecuted?

Domestic violence is a very serious cause and sadly, an all too prominent issue in the United States. Yet it can’t be ignored that false allegations of domestic violence do happen.

 

A 2009 report from the University of New Mexico School of Law explains that recantation in domestic violence cases has become the norm. According to the head of the Family Violence Division of the Los Angeles District Attorney’s Office, an estimated 90% of domestic dispute victims recant their original statements. A recantation does not always mean the abuse didn’t occur, but for some reason, the victim recanted their statement whether it be due to pressure from the accused, fear, false accusations or other outside factors.

Due to the emotional and often volatile nature of domestic violence, there are many organizations and protocols in place to help victims quickly and safely escape a dangerous situation. Sadly, this also makes it easy for domestic violence charges and restraining orders to be taken advantage of. Due to the high prevalence of recantation, it is commonplace for prosecutors to turn a blind eye to possible perjury in domestic violence cases for fear of criticism even though it is widely understood that lying to a court is in fact a felony.

According to SAVE, an organization dedicated to finding evidence-based solutions to end domestic violence and sexual assault, it is estimated that nearly 700,000 people are wrongfully convicted of domestic violence every year yet there are no district attorneys who regularly prosecute false allegations of domestic violence. With the high prevalence of innocent men and women convicted of domestic disputes, it’s shocking to hear there are no district attorneys in the United States who regularly prosecute false allegations of domestic violence.

As of now, the only true help a person accused of domestic violence can find is with a domestic violence defense attorney to avoid conviction and prove their innocence. Even so, the accused are often arrested and charged based on the word of the accuser and then face attorney fees and a social stigma that can last months, years, or a lifetime. Even without formal criminal charges, a false accusation of domestic violence can result in devastating circumstances for the accused socially, professionally, and even financially.

 

A good -or bad – example of this situation was in 2015 when UFC Heavyweight, Travis Browne, was accused of domestic violence by his estranged wife and fitness model, Jenna Renee Webb. Rather than making a formal claim and getting the authorities involved, on July 8, 2015, Ms. Webb posted a photo of her, with a bruised face and arms, on her Instagram profile with over 100k followers.

 

Jenna Webb DV Accuse

 

The picture was accompanied by the following caption: “Probably one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made was walking away from this life and starting over. I’m still ashamed for staying as long as I did. #domesticviolenceawareness”.

 

This caused a social media uproar with “trolls” coming out of the woodwork to attack Mr. Browne for his alleged abuse, even though there was no concrete evidence of abuse or criminal charges. Due to the violent nature of professional fighting, the UFC quickly suspended Browne to conduct their own private investigation into the matter.

One month after allegations surfaced, the investigation concluded and found “inconclusive evidence” to support the allegations of domestic violence. Although Browne was reinstated and much of the public attention of the matter eventually died down, the damage was already done. A quick look at Browne’s social media accounts shows he still receives messages and comments accusing him of beating his wife.

With the massive impact a false allegation of domestic abuse can have on the accused, it’s a wonder why the accusers are so rarely prosecuted, especially with the drastic negative impact it has on the life of the accused.

Brian Beltz

With a degree in Mass Communications and Journalism, Brian brings over four years of experience writing for the legal industry to Dopplr.

29 comments

  • I am a female and am going through this same scenario against my ex boyfriend. I was shockingly arrested not knowing what I had done. Police said based on the scratches and bruising on my ex boyfriends neck they had to arrest me – for the first time ever. I went to jail, paid bail, got home late that night. Woke up the next morning and checked my security camera outside to see if anything popped up. Low and behold, in 1080 HD a video of the person that accused me scratching and punching his OWN neck. I quickly called the police so that I could submit the evidence before the DA filed. I even called the DA’s office 10 times to make sure they received the footage and there was no answer and no message machine. The DA did not receive the supplementary police report and filed on me – pushing me to hire a lawyer. Three weeks later, my lawyer checked to see if the DA received the video and they only received the report to the video and not the video….AND still had not even read the report. My lawyer pulled together a report with a detailed log of the video and footage – that is timestamped to the exact time he is calling the police while scratching his own neck. Currently, I am awaiting my courtdate to see what happens. I feel like a victim of DV and the justice system and something needs to be fixed. I am now out several thousands of dollars because of someones lies and a missed step in the justice system. Something positive needs to come out of my experience and I want to figure out how to fix this in our system. I also want justice to be served properly to those that file false police reports. Men and women don’t deserve this unfairness. I am beyond shocked at our system and really want to draw attention to this issue. I understand that my first step is to get this dismissed and need to concentrate on that. Second step is to get this expunged. Third step is to bring additional awareness to this topic. If just one person learns from my experience than I will be happy. Any ideas where to start?

    • I’m a woman going through the same exact thing! My ex abused me for YEARS and just recently filed false charges against ME. This is the most terrifying experience of my life, considering I also have a little girl to protect.

      • I’m going through the same thing too! It’s a nightmare and I honestly wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy! It’s very scary and I don’t know you you guys feel like me… But, I feel like my life is in complete limbo! What makes things worse about my situation is my husband is a deputy sheriff, which makes everything a little more scary and nerve-wracking.

        • Hang in there ladies and we all need to look at this as an experience and turn our experiences into something positive. My case was eventually sealed and all arrest records were destroyed. The DA asked me if I would testify against him in court if they were to file against him for filing a false police report. However, because DA’s just don’t do it, it doesn’t sound like they are. Since, my abuser has sent me several threatening messages and even took a snapshot of my mugshot when it was public knowledge and emailed it to mutual friends saying that I was in Jail and high on drugs. The DA has been shown these emails, but their response was simply “get a restraining order”. We all know that those don’t work to protect – it simply gives the abuser more of the attention that they desire.

          I am going through therapy to get past the PTSD…I have been a victim of a domestic violence abuser and our judicial system. I am in public relations/advertising industry and have a creative side to me and I just know that a product will come out of my experience that will generate awareness on Domestic Violence and the way our judicial system works. What that is….not sure yet. Let me get myself back and then my creative juices will flow!

          Anyway, stay positive and, again, turn your experience into a positive.

          Here’s to blue skies,
          Anonymous Female that originally posted about experience with video tape evidence

  • Can I press charges on my wife if I am found not guilty in court for domestic assault and spent a week in jail?

    • No. Only the District Attorney can “press charges” you may file a civil suit for harm to your reputation and damages.

  • My husband also falsely accused me of domestic violence. One day I discovered that he had been asking out women he with whom he worked. He had started to to drink heavily.. about two cases of beer each day, I later discovered. I knew he was drinking, but he would lie about the amount. My husband soon become violent and had extreme outbursts of anger. He become repeatedly verbally and even physically abuse towards me. One afternoon he came home from work and began to belittle me to the point where I was in tears, begging him to stop. Of course I defended myself, so we began to argue. At some point in the argument my husband called my father, who came into the house and proceeded to shake me and yell in my face. I was still crying from my husband’s cruel words, so I left the house. When I returned my husband had called the police and I had no idea as to why. One police officer ran at me and violently forced my hands behind my back. I asked him what he was doing and never received a response. He and his partner lifted me off of the ground and carried me to the police car. Not once did they tell me why I was being arrested. I later found out that my husband had made false accusations against me so he could have me out of tbe way to date other women. He attempted to tell the officers the truth, but they refused to speak with him until after charges has been filed. In court my husband maintained tbat I had done nothing to him, so the domestic violence charges were unsubstantiated. The DA filed a disorderly conduct charge against me because they basically wanted to have something to file against me. I was forced to plea “no contest” to a disorderly because my husband would not pay for a trial. I had been a teacher at the time, and although the state allowed me to keep my teaching license believe that this incident undermined my self-esteem and therby affected my career.

  • This is just what you deserve you people want to sit around and complain about the Laws of other people’s and other countries and how your laws are so Superior and so great. You sit around and watch and listen to all of the lies told about black men and Latino men not taking care of and spending time with their children and you let this go on for so long Latinos being targeted that now you are being profit from like a commodity your children are being bought and sold to the highest bidder and if you can afford the lawyer you lose and if you don’t have the money to pay to play then the free paid legal aid lawyer representing the false accuser and your own children is paid for with your tax dollars will win and you will lose your children this is that democracy and capitalism that you are so proud of good day

    • Your comments though accurate in some points is completely useless being more of a disgruntled rant than actual commentary.

  • I was falsely accused and wrongfully convicted then put under a family violence protection order in Texas. After 7 years of fighting the false allegations I won. I may mention also that after a cost of hundreds of thousands paid to an attorney who literally benefitted me nothing I won my case Pro Se. Save your money and read cause 01-14-00845-cv in the Texas First Court of Appeals. Read the case and Feel free to contact me with any questions and share your story with me. Together we can stop this insanity.

    • I am pretty sure I need to talk with you! Falsely accused of domestic violence against my wife and two minor daughters. Not even physical violence! She said she felt threatened and now I am currently going through the worst time in my life! I have been accused of being an alcoholic, a drug abuser and I’m a threat to kidnap. My monster of a wife is the drinker and has a long history of drug abuse. Three driving accidents whilst under the influence in 2 months! She has a history of mental illness. Because of these FALSE allegations and this restraining order, I cannot see my children unless supervised yet the ex wants me to have them for the first part of the summer! She really is a monster! The police report even states my wife said I was not a threat to them and that I never threatened her. She even got the date wrong. It took her over 8 days to decide to file for protection. She has kidnapped the girls now. Abandoned the house I still cannot got to and left the county! 3 hours away. She took the girls out their school and home. It gets worse! She had confessed to being unfaithful to my friends and hers but never to me. She left her messenger app open on my tablet. It’s been painful. Sending naked videos of herself to men. Inviting a man over the day after I was removed. Admits to masturbating whist sharing a bed with our 6 year old child! I was instructed to inform DCF. I sent them all the screen shots of her confessions unsafe and inappropriate behavior. They did nothing! Excepting drugs from coworkers and friends. It’s a true horror story. She was pregnant at 14 and lost the child. She ran away at 16 and got hooked on opiates. She got involved in adult films in her later teens to pay for the addiction. I feel like the most stupid person in the whole world right now! As soon as I said “I do” her useless parents handed me all her debt! She now has the most precious things in my life in her care! She is ruining their lives! At this point I now see she is a very sick person. I’m helpless other than lawyers and patience! I am living a true life horror story! I CAN prove every word I have written! I cry, I get angry, sad over and over. I don’t want to eat properly. I don’t want to get up and do things. I’m a mess! I don’t drink. I don’t take drugs! I’m a good person and the person that’s a risk, has my girls, and is getting away with everything. I NEED HELP!

      • Matt, first I know the emotions are overpowering at times but this has to be approached with a cool head and deliberate actions focused on getting the result you need.

        At this point it is not about her history or false allegations… it is about the court and making it do what it is intended for rather than what is convenient or popular.

        You can email me at david.lancaster50@gmail.com anytime and I’ll be glad to do whatever I can.

  • This has to end, I never want anyone to go through what I’m going through. It sounds like you have been through my situation.

  • What if your adult son lies and tells the police that your boyfriend abused you? My son did this, he told the police that my boyfriend abused me, when he did not. This goes a lot with other issues that are happening at this time, however, this is one charge against my boyfriend, and it is completely false.

  • I have been in a domestic abusive relationship married to my husband for 14 years. One morning, he tried to kill me the day after our son’s 4th birthday. He tried to break my neck over my cast-iron sink. I reached for anything to grab to swing at him to get him off of me, which resulted in a tiny nick at the top of his head in which he denied medical attention. He tried to bite my fingers off, when I tried to push him away from me. The police was called that morning… and because his head is vascular, they arrested ME, instead of him, in spite of the fact that my fingers were severely damaged and injured. Do you know what the police told me about my fingers they said I could have bitten my own fingers. I simply could not believe this. My husband has been abusing me for years, and I was arrested. And even during the pre-trial, which was poorly handled, my husband wrote a letter to the judge confessing letter stating that this was all his fault and not mine. And the DA ignored it!!! The judge got upset saying that I coaxed my husband into writing the letter…in which I did not! Angrily I was adamant about the jury trial. I wanted to take my chances with a group of my peers. But instead THEY offered me a plea. To just take a two-year probation plea in which I did, because I thought that my freedom was right there at the door, little did I know that within 16 months the abuse with start again, and he refuses to pay my probation refuses to give me any of our money refuses access to bank account to savings account to anything Financial I was arrested recently for violating my probation I am in a house that I feel eventually might land me back in jail because they simply don’t have the money to help me pay my probation I don’t have a job I am looking relentlessly. I must complete 100 community service hours by June 11th started my community service hours by the 21st when I go back to my Probation Officer. And I need my children. My husband has them since they arrested me. He doesn’t know that I am released which my family and I believe that is a good thing. Michael is ok half of the time but the other half…His help us. It’s only a matter of time when he loses his temper on one of the boys. It’s imperative that I get my children and flee from him. The early morning of the 31st of January Michael hit me again… He promised me that he would never hit me again….. Well I called the police. he really thought he was going to jail. Preparing by getting dressed and putting on shoes. but they arressted me for VOP. I spent 40s in jail. I need an attorney a safe place for me and my children and transportation. But alas I don’t have a job yet. I don’t know what to do can you help me with resources here in Atlanta?

  • I have been arrested for criminal mischief and the criminal justice charge me with domestic violence

  • I am a man falsely accused of domestic violence by my ex girl friend. She is diagnosed with bipolar 1, schizophrenia, and clinical depression. She, I am guessing also suffers from S.A.D.S. (seasonally affected disorder) because she has tried to run me out of her house the last four winters in the middle of winter, only to claim that she loves me later. She has called or had the police called three times in the last three years. The first two times she was asked to leave her own home because she was the obvious aggressor. The third and last time the police took the bait and I was arrested for harassment.The sheriff said as he placed the cuffs on me “this is the third time we have been here so we are going o arrest you”. While I was in jail she filed for and received a restraining order against me. Her entire family suffers from this condition and have protected each other in an environment of enabling. She is sixty years old and has had some life changes that have left her unable or unwilling to manage her condition. Her daughter who is affected with the condition as well, has chosen to self medicate with methamphetamine and became addicted, has a daughter that is affected by the condition as well. When ever I have tried to get any of them help I have been called a monster that can say nothing good about the family. The more I tried to get her to get the help she needed the more I was considered the enemy.I accepted the plea deal offered by the court because my attorney said I would lose the case anyway and would cost me five to seven thousand dollars more. The plea deal offered was thirty hours of community service, a $250 dollar fine and a year of bench probation, in other words not get in any trouble for a year. When it can time for me to make a statement I mentioned her conditions and the judge flipped out and accused me of blaming the victim, I am now facing drug and alcohol treatment, regular urinalysis testing, and a year of batterers classes to the tune of $2200 additional dollars. The police report differed from the restraining order story, the restraining order is clearly perjury. She has the negative reinforcement of her ill and highly medicated family that has only afforded her the opportunity for her to become more ill and in denial of her condition. The last time I saw her, her face was all scabby from picking at it, I had got her to stop picking at it for a while. But I see she has returned to the habit. So at this point she is supporting her meth addicted daughter and two grand daughters, one who was born with meth in it’s system and another that obviously has some form of the condition.

  • I’m an immigrant. I faced the same situation with most of people here. But the fear is even worse since DV is a deportable crime if convicted. My domestic violence abuser who is my ex gf filed a false accusation and I got arrested. I stayed in jail for one day and got released after I paid my bond. The girl suffered Borderline Personality Disorder and was emotion impulsive. She was afraid of filing false police report since it’s a far more serious crime than dv itself. Of course, I hired an experience attorney and the case was dismissed in the court because of the attorney’s effort. The case happened over two years ago but it is just like yesterday. I can still remember every details and even my statement was twisted by the police officer. This made me no longer trust US police and prosecuting system anymore. As a survivor from domestic violence and falsely accusation, I wish everyone facing the same situation the best of luck! Stay confident and fight the injustice!

    • I too was accused by my now ex of domestic violence three years ago. I had to get an attorney which is thousands of dollars. Pay for the restraining order. All this after bonding out of jail and the nightmare of being arrested. I was worried about loosing my job, house and reputation in the community. I finally made through the nightmare with God on my side lots of prayer and of course money. I had family support as well as my family can testify to my character. The defense attorney I hired was really good and also practicing to become a judge at that time. As I understand it he is a judge now. If it was not for this attorney and a tape recorded statement from my ex who was an illegal immigrant at the time, stating that he would drop the charges if I pay for all of his immigration paper work. I had already put down a thousand dollars to start the immigration process with the immigration attorney. Needless to say we divorced in Oct. 2015. I have not heard from my ex since. The case is also expunged off my record as of last year. Something has to be done about false allegations of domestic violence if there is insufficient evidence or inconclusive evidence the person who bought the charges should be charged with a felony or misdemeanor and arrested. The false accuser should have to prove their innocence in court go through their savings or other pay a lawyer and go through the same thing as the accused person went through. Oh, I also paid for our divorce as well. I am never going to marry someone again unless they are sane, educated, working a job with benefits then I might consider them. Enough of the soap box drama we must all get together those of us falsely accused of domestic violence and pressure our judicial system to prosecute false accusers.

  • Going through it too. I have actually taken my baby mama in 3 times and i have a record now of 3 assault charges. I stay with my family for my now third assault charge. They also got me for an alleged child abuse case on her child i raised since she was 8 months old. She has messaged me saying she will always love me. But she has gotten a guy in my apartment. I lost my job that i had for three years. My brother was nice enough to get an attorney, and right now I have another job, but who knows after april 13th what will happen since our history of the countless charges put on me. Ever since I moved to front royal I have faced Hell. No matter how false the charges I know I will be sentenced harshly. I wish I knew of this site. I’ve been really trying to help her, but now I see that I may not see the light of day. My son and her son is in her care i already had to send a breech of lease because the landlord has been given complaints of loud noises and suspectful people entering my home at off hours of the night. I know she smokes and drinks. A past history of prostitution, drug use, and Larssone charges. I fear for my two boys and yet my work associaties warned me along with my family that I should have stayed away and move on and hope the system works for the kids and my sake. It’s probably a week too late before I go to trial. I just want those to hear these stories and know that its real. Been in jail with distros and shooters waking up to the nightmare of all my money used. When i got out the police couldnt even get my wallet with my social security card, personal information, and money from her after admitting she had it. My mother even sent a prepaid envelope to Mrs. Starcher to no avail. She trying to get custody from my mother and claiming I am a danger to my daughter who is in my mothers care. I wish I stopped aiding her when she has my kid in hotel rooms and beating her son senseless that has bruising that they placed on me now. I thought my presence could give the kids a safety net from around her instead I cannot even protect myself. Lots of love to all who is going through it. I pray for us all.

  • MY CHILDREN HAVE BEEN TAKEN !

    I have been railroaded by the injustice system of America!

    EVEN A STRANGER CAN USE THIS LAW AGAINST YOU!
    It allows anyone to “just say” whether true or not..

    THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART !

    THEY CAN LIE!!!!!! NO TRUTH REQUIRED!!!!!

    They can just say that you threatened their life and you go to jail…. no trial by jury , no questions asked! The courts are forced by this law to incarcerate you for up to 72 hours and possibly longer!

    Again even a stranger can do this to you!

    No stranger did this to me…..it was the love of my life………………my wife!

    I was not charged with any crime.
    There are no ongoing investigations.
    I did nothing wrong! I went to jail anyway.

    SHE LIED!!!!!!!!
    and my children and I suffer for it.

    There are only 2 laws in America that allow a constitutional right to be taken from you without due process (trial by jury) domestic violence…..and terrorism.

    I need a lawyer….not just any lawyer…. because I have talked to 13 or more now and they just dont care. One was like a used car salesman. Another attorney said she might can get me “supervised visits”. REALLY?
    Supervised visits ? I havent done anything wrong. I paid one lawyer $175 to talk to him . He was on her side from the onset of the conversation. Because I was a man I was quilty by default. That is the mind set in these situations. One lawyer said because the judge has already ruled that it is to late. How can it be to late to stop my children from suffering?
    I need a REAL attorney!

    I have had my children, my home, my life taken from me by my wife and the court system all based on a LIE!
    She falsely accussed me of hitting her. I did no such thing. I never have! She has punched me in the face in front of our children and admits to it but the court did not care about that. If I was the kind of man who could hit a woman that would have been the time. But I did not hit her even then. I tried to calm her down. She has hit me with a 4 foot metal level while building shelves in the garage and fractured my arm and I did not hit her back. I dont hit women. I never have and never will. Im not innocent in the involvement. We were arguing but she knew I would not hit her back.
    When she called 911 She told them that I was a Navy Seal and that I had guns and she used that against me.
    I was and still am willing to give my life for you and her. When I joined the military I fought for all and for freedom and justice! IT WAS USED AGAINST ME!!!

    Military people beware! You are already convicted as a cold hearted KILLER!

    I was tossed out into the streets ..no food..no water…no where to sleep..and almost died from depression, lack of sleep, food and water. A broken heart can kill you. I lost 55 pounds in a few months.
    Being a Seal, they teach you how to survive. They dont teach you how to survive betrayal from the one you
    love. God does. To be a Seal you have to be willing to die for what you are doing. The ultimate love is willing to die for another. In the real world with loving my wife…there is no defense and none needed…love is long suffering (Galatians 5:22)
    …..love is willing to sacrifice……there is no greater sacrifice than to give your life for another. John 15:13

    I have researched every avenue I can find for a solution to this problem. I have lived in a tent and took the cheapest rentals available to save money for a lawyer. I was told the longer they are with the mother the less chances I have of getting custody. How insane is that? The courts gave them to her based on a lie and it compounds itself daily. Im not liking American justice to much right now.

    Sometimes life isnt fare?
    Life is fare people are not!

    The rest of this is my nightmare I live daily. I do not like drama and shy away from it but it is in my face and I have to deal with it. I will write on the points to condense a really lengthy experience. This is truth though. Maybe I shouldnt use this site as a way to express my beliefs and experiences but I am going to anyway. It is hard to get the point across without doing so. I have no pride….just facts….I know worse things have happened to others. We can just accept it and do nothing or try our best to do what is right to fight. If you want to hear what I have to say then read on…. more unwanted drama.

    This has been a rude awakening!

    Keep in mind I am focussing on mostly the bad times to make my point. At least 90% of our relationship was enjoyable. I thought we were like everyone else experiencing some hardship along with blessings…..living life. I also must say that I am guilty of not being the husband I should have been. I used truth as a hammer when I caught her in a lie. I should have been kind and gentle. Actually in the beginning I was kind and gentle. Thats why she married me. Over the years the distrust grew worse. So did my reactions to her repeated lies. But I still should have been a better Christian. I should have been nurturing, patient, more loving. My anger made things worse. That is my sin, my fault.

    I have always taken care of me and my own. I am employed and have always worked hard for what I had. Even being a house …husband…..is hard work. I have an appreciation for all of you mothers who try your best to make a happy home for your children! I SALUTE YOU!

    A week prior to being incarcerated I caught my wife in yet another lie….and she would rather make me the scape goat than to be the adulteress in her families eyes! Her family sits in church pews, sing in the choir and respect her highly. My wife hasnt sat in a church pew for 20 years. They dont know who she is behind closed doors or at parties or with her friends. She cut me out of that years ago. (after she told me they cheated on their husbands)She hasnt let me even go to her friends childrens birthday parties. She always would say, “oh , its just us girls that will be there.” Even the after work get togethers. ( love will blind you) My wife, knows how much I seek truth in all things. She knows I would find out eventually about her lie so she pulled the trigger first to cover her sin. She cares more about what her family thinks about her than God Himself.

    That week previous to me being jailed I saw her with another man and I asked her about it. She lied to me about what I saw with my own eyes. I let it go and did not question her anymore about it for a week. A week later we left the kids with her mother and we went out to dinner. On the way home I asked her again, “Who was that man and how do you know him?”, the argument started . This man pointed me out to her. There wasnt anyone near me with on either side. Did he know me ?
    I didnt know him. She denied all of that and more. It makes me wonder how ridiculous some people are willing to be to deny the truth.
    When me and her got home she called 911. I was put in jail for 3 days for NOTHING! She lied to the Deputy Sheriff, the judge and her family. They did not care what I had to say! She pointed the finger first and that is all that mattered!
    The DV law states that if they just say……
    you threatened them with bodily harm…the courts have no choice but to act. The next day…ya the next day…the Dept Sheriffs had guns drawn and treated me like I just murdered someone! If I would have flinched they would have killed me…they said so!..There were 3 cars and 3 Dept Sheriffs. Her mother had gotten involved. Her family has influence in this pville town.

    When the one hand cuffed me he said “were you really a Navy Seal?” I asked ” She told you that?” He said “ya” I said ” Yes I was”. Then they saw I was not some crazy killer and he actually gave me double hand cuffs because of my build. They were nice and realized she was a liar! I was not as she depicted! I was jailed for 3 days..( they had to by law) only to return to my empty home…children taken…and days later put out on the streets with no money, no food and no water by court restraining order. I lost 55 pounds and almost died of heat stroke and dehydration ( broken heart) and no one cared. I lived in the streets. I learned quickly what being homeless is like. I aged 10 years in 2 months, my hair fell out.
    It has been 9 months and I have since gotten back on my feet and am continuing to fight back. I have saved up a few thousand but realize after talking to many lawyers it is not even close to being enough to get justice served.
    I have three boys 5, 6 and 8. I am not allowed to see them. I was a good father.

    There was not a single mention of me being a bad father during all 3 court hearings. THERE WAS NEVER A WORD mentioned! My abilities as a father was never in question! That is because I was a wonderful father. But the judge did not care and neither did my wife. The judge gave her full custody and left it up to her if I see my boys or not! WOW ………RAILROADED! Her family has influence.

    I dated my wife for 7 years and married 8. She tossed 15 years away like it was nothing. I tried to reconcile. Being a Christian I have to forgive and willing to do so. Even if she did commit adultery. But she was unwilling. Her family is more important than me and our children. What kind of person can do this to her own children? Maybe Im better off but they are not. When me and her got married I owned 2 homes and made $80k a year. I put everything into our lives and relationship. She was an RN and made $80k working 3 days a week. When she got pregnant with our first child it made financial sense for me to stay home with the baby. I still made 30k a year staying at home. She whole heartedly agreed. Her job was a mile down the street. Mine was 65 miles away 5 days a week and I didnt get paid for drive time. We then had 2 more wonderful boys together over the next few years. I raised them all from birth. I was Mr. Mom. Other than the “few” bad experiences mentioned life was good as a whole. Remember this is 15 years in the making. I was a happy man for the most part. Love will blind you.

    Can at least you women reading this understand the bonds developed when you raise a child from birth? These were my boys, my babies…I changed thier diapers, fed them breakfast, lunch and dinner, as they grew older I took them to school, made their lunches, helped them with their home work, read stories , sang to them putting them to sleep, took them fishing, played games with them, explored insects, growing gardens, building things, teaching them and letting them be boys! ….Im crying now. My wife was a good mother also. She sang to them and played with them……we were happy for the most part.

    Another troubling memory …She came home one day after work and the boys wanted to give her a hug and she stopped them with a hand to the forehead and walked straight to the computer and started typing. I asked” whats so important?” She said, ” A doctor (cant remember the name) said to look up illuminati when I got home”.

    Thats my wife! A drone to anyone who she deems higher than her. It has never been me.

    In all fairness my wife did fun things with out boys also…she was there and knows the truth i have been saying in all of this. She is not an evil person. I dont want to make her out to be like that. She has always struggled with being “put on the spot” and sometimes lies to get out of it. She has always lied when it comes to other men. She cant help it. She had lied to me many times before I married her. I just thought that eventually she would learn the importance of trust in a relationship. The years went by and her core values had already been set and truth wasnt one of them.

    I called her work one day and her friend answered the phone. I said ” Can I talk to Jess?”, She said “sure”, she spoke up and said “Jess your husbands on the phone”. Some man said “Im not on the phone Im right here.” When Jess answered the phone I asked, “who was that man?’ She said ” I dont know him.” She said ” I dont know why he would say that.”

    Ya……right…..some fool is willing a sexual harassment case and would say that in front of everyone if he didnt really know her? I tried to get a case going about that and like the last she wouldnt do it. Ya that was the second sexual harassment case she turned down. The first was with a doctor. Our female lawyer said it was a slam dunk!! Three witnesses!
    She said “Jessica, you wont ever have to work again.” It was on speaker phone and I heard and talked to the lawyer myself. She said “Jessica, they will settle out of court and you wont even have to testify. You wont even have to pay me. I will take 30% if I win and you owe me nothing if I lose! The catch was that the defending attorney may research if anyone of the three has a history of promiscuity.
    When she said that Jess folded…..I thought she was protecting her friends…..maybe she was. Hhhmmm….is that love of your friends? Or defense against your own sins? I have wondered for years. To pass up millions………well all righty then! what a champ!

    Love will blind you. It has me. We all want to believe the best in those we love, like her mother and family believing in her. I did the same. The promiscuity at her work place got the best of her. She had already told me that in her group of 5 close friends all but one had cheated on their husbands. It looks like it was Jessica’s turn. Or maybe one of many. Only her and her friends and the guys thay have had sex with know the truth.

    The judge gave her full custody. It is a small town and her family has influence $$$ and I am confident someone wispered in the judges ear. A few lawyers and detectives said that Judge is dirty. Further more they say he is not qualified to be a family judge. One lawyer said they are trying to have him removed as a family judge. They said that the judge believes because he has grand children he is qualified. Two lawyers said I need a change of venue. But before it even got to the judge,
    I was jailed for 3 days all based on a lie! No proof needed!

    That law needs to be amended! I was told by a lawyer that there is another law that the Dept sheriffs could use but requires more paper work and getting a judge to sign. It is easier to put people in jail and the jail system gets money from it…tax dollars waisted. I was shifted from building to building for 2 days all to find out everytime I spend 1 hour in a facility that facilty gets $190. They sure got their money out of me.

    I am and was a good father. The court gave my wife full custody and I am only allowed to see my boys IF SHE lets me! HOW INSANE is that?
    Every lawyer says that doesnt make sense and doesnt understand it . They say even bad parents get to see their children………..crooked judge. He should have at minimum gave me visitation.

    They ,wife and my mother in law, did allow me 8 hours a week for a while until a few months ago.

    The story in full is much worse and complex…..but here is the brief….well maybe not so brief…..but to the points…..after I got out of jail I was in shock. Three days in jail with no communication to anyone outside to find out what is going on….was a shock. I didnt think my wife was leaving me until I got home. Her and the boys were gone. No one would answer any phones. Then I was forced to leave my own home by court order. I lived in the streets. I couldnt sleep or eat much for weeks . I slept an hour a night and when I awoke my mind would start racing with anxiety and uncertainty. Every few days I would break down and sleep for 4 to 6 hours anywhere that felt safe and then go through another few days of 1 hour a night sleep. My mind was mush. I had no appitite and suffered like a prisoner in a 3rd world country.

    When I finally went to court ( about 30 days after jail)
    and seeing the love of my life for the first time in a month I cried like a baby. My mind was toast. I was suffering from extreme depression, lack of sleep and food. I cried in front of the arbitrator (arbitraitor) and he used that against me. He even twisted my words when he wrote his report . In a few of his sentences he out right lied!
    I thought I was there talking to him because of the restraining order, to defend myself against her allegations. I did not know it was about child custody.
    I blew it at the starting gate. I made him angry by questioning him. At one point we even argued. He is his own god in his world. His words to the judge carry all the weight! This guy was a youngster and to give him that power is an ATROSITY!!!!!!

    ……no one considered …”hey this guy just got robbed of the most prescious gift in the world”….the children he raised from birth…….all done by the love of his life…this guy is heart broken beyond all extremes…emotionally , physically, mentally destroyed!… a victim!

    Or that maybe this guy just had everything taken from him and tossed out onto the streets with nothing….sleeping behind dumpsters…..in bushes….eating from trash cans. There is no room or allowance for sympathy or understanding in our courts.
    Hard cold evil at its best. Its all about the money now.

    …….no money for a lawyer…I was labeled the bad guy because SHE said so. Im confident if the role would have been reversed the court would have ruled differently. Her being female they would have given her her rights to see the boys. At least some kind of visitation. I have none because I am a man?…..crooked judge…..I have cried for hours every single day for many many months. I still cry daily but am able to suppress it quicker. I cry when I see families together, children playing, before I go to sleep….right now typing this.

    Time does not heal all wounds! I think of my boys daily! I love my wife anyway! I refuse to be cold and callused! It is all about love! But I am forced to fight for my boys! WHAT HAS AMERICA BECOME?” How is this possible? Why is this possible? Has it always been this way and I am just now noticing?

    I am in month 9 and still suffer daily. Jesus Christ has sustained me. I have been a Christian since I was 16. Im not perfect but I do my best to love everyone and have understanding, compassion and patience. Even through all of this I still love my wife and even my mother in law. They need help to understand what they are doing to my boys. They just dont get it! My mother in law really believes she is doing what is right . My wife is unable to care about it. It is one thing to say you care and another to actually do something about it. My wife told me her father never told her he loved her. Over the years I have seen what that impact has done. She has never been able to discuss problems or feelings.

    My mother in law is a retired 30 year 1st grade school teacher. That is hard cold 30 years of experience dealing with children who’s parents she has no control over. Her years of experience has turned her into a cold calussed teacher. Can you imagine someone who see’s the horrors of childrens lives over and over. She has dealt justice to children who suffer beyond her own control….over and over…she cant feel that anymore. She is numb to my boys pain. She will say differently but in reality….she just cant feel it. I have seen it first hand. I thought how sad. The Judge said in the restraining order I can only talk to her through text only about the boys visitations. She has been trying to control me since she got this opportunity. She did not like me from the start. When my wife said we were getting married she told me to my face” well I’d better get on board with it.”…ya to my face way back then. She has been rude to me 100 times and refuses to say , “Mark , please forgive me”. I know now why Jess is that way now. That is a religious self rightous, I can do no wrong or I will burn forever mentality. Methodists….it is a method for salvation for them I guess.
    My wife is a liar and taking advantage of everyone believing she is the victim.
    I have “caught ” her in many lies over many years. She has never, not once, came to me and told me first that she has lied to me or even asked, “forgive me” after admitting to a lie. The only lies I know of are the ones I caught her in. It makes me wonder how many do I not know about? Six months prior to me being jailed I caught her lying and she promised me back then she would never lie to me again.

    She said she had to work late one friday night. She didnt, she went to a party with her friends, at a mans house.
    With the same friends whom “she” said had cheated on their husbands. I was home with our children. She finally admitted to it when I said “bring home your time sheet.”

    This isnt just my fight it truly is all of ours!
    It can happen to you or someone you love!
    This law has saved countless lives and caused many thousands to suffer needlessly… it needs amending to prevent just “anyone” to falsely claim “I fear for my life.”

    I dont know what the cost will be but most likely over $30k. I now I see that I will have to pay taxes on these donations.
    If we can set a precedence in my case or any of the countless thousands who have been falsely accused ………we all will benefit.

    In reality………….arent the children most important? What about them in divorce? America is a waist land of children hurt by separation because of lust…anger….selfishness…of the parents.

    The last time I saw my boys ( January ) I dropped them off with the mother in law after a visit with me. They were crying and telling my mother in law….”I want to go back with Daddy!” Ethan, 6, yelled at her after he got in her car and blamed her and mommy for taking them from daddy.

    It truly is her and my wifes fault! They did take them from me! Even a child can see and understand that. Mine live it every day. My mother in law now blames me for that. She says it is my fault that the boys are upset for being taken from their father. HOW CRAZY! I am no longer allowed to see them…. I miss my boys, I miss my wife ( the one I fell in love with) …..I miss my family. ….

    It makes me cry every time I think of it…..how horrific!
    The last time I saw my boys face he was looking at me through the window of my mother in laws car and crying….both hands pressed against the window with tears and anger in his eyes……he was mad at me for leaving him with grandma…. I see that face….that memory…and cry….. I haven’t seen them since.

    Days after that my mother in law sent me a threatening letter saying she is going to have me arrested and not to contact them anymore.

    A few days later she (mominlaw) then text me, and had my boys text me . Dept sheriff said she is possibly trying to entrap me and it would be best to go through the court. She even stalked me at my friends house. When I came out of their house she refused to let me leave. She used her own body to block me from closing my car door and then yelled at me.
    She even asked..
    ” Who said you couldnt talk to me”?

    What does that say about her mental state of mind?

    She is trying to have me arrested for what they have done to my boys….how crazy is that?

    My wife and her mother just dont care! My mother in law has pulled my youngest from my arms while he is screaming “dont take me from Daddy”…

    I have talked to 3 child psychologist and they all said what the court is allowing and what my mother in law and wife are doing is horrendous and extremely damaging to my children. But there is no law to prevent it.

    All schools need to have classes in every grade that teach the importance of family. So when they grow up they hopfully will know better than to do this to their children.

    Who as Americans have we become?

    That needs a fund raiser in itself!

    The importance of the family bond for children!

    Im in tears!!!! DOES ANYONE CARE? AM I STILL ALL ALONE IN AMERICA? LAND OF THE FREE……
    free to commit adultery , free to destroy your family, free to warp the minds of your own children, free to make them suffer just to inflict pain on your spouse?
    The Judge here says YES!

    My wife has called me a couple of times over the months and in one conversation she actually admitted to using the boys to inflict pain and to manipulate me……how sad.
    I pray all the time , God please help them see.

    In another conversation I asked her can I have 50/50 custody and she said yes. Then she said “how can you take care of them if you have to work’. I said ‘I will get a nanny. ‘ She said “you have always been against that.” I said “your right. I will get a job where I can work from home.” I then started asking God ” Father please let me get a job where I can work from home so I can care for my children.” I asked Him every single day many times a day for a month. Then my employer said hey Mark why dont you work from home. We will call you when we need you here. They said due to company issues we cant have you here everyday. You are a third party vendor and cant stay. I get the same pay for working at home. God answered! Then she lied once again! She changed her mind! That was about November 2016.

    please God help us all!

    when in court fighting for my right to see my boys I asked the bailiff “when did they take the emblem , IN GOD WE TRUST, out of the court room?”
    He said ” Ive been here 8 years and have never seen it.”
    For you millennials..it use to be there.

  • My Son has been charged with violating a domestic violence charge by his ex-girlfriend and mother of his 2 children. It all started when he met her in high school, to make a long story short she got pregnant. We moved (a mistake) out of the school district and she suffered with a ton of humiliation. We realize this was not the right thing to do, they broke up but maintained a on again off again relationship for years, but after one of the last breakups he had not heard from her for almost 2 yrs. She called and invited him up to spend Christmas with her and his daughter. The relationship seemed to be back on track, he moved out of state to be with her and they were living with her family. Once he moved in, again things started with her mother, talking about him, calling on the girlfriend all the time to do things with and for her. My son would come home from working all day, no dinner and his clothes not even washed. She never worked. She planned a wedding without my son asking her to marry him. My son decided he couldn’t marry her, she didn’t want to move from her parents house and did not want to work, they split up. Then after some time, they tried it again, she came to us this time, lived in my home with my Son. They were looking for a home/apartment to move into. All of a sudden she had to go home telling us her father was dying, he had cancer, was in the hospital having his testicles removed. My son bought her a ticket to go home, but after researching we found out it was just another of her lies. If we believed everything she said her mother, both grandmothers would have died multiple times. Anyway, they got into a verbal argument she came to the living room and told me my son was a f_ _king d_ _k. Of course, then I told her not to ever talk about my son like that and I told her she was lying. She went after my son trying to hit him, I was in the middle, I had to keep them apart, both of them yelling at each other. She was going to leave with my granddaughter I told her I was going to call DCFS, it was 122 outside, she had no money and no cell phone. I didn’t know what to do to keep her from leaving. She left the day of the flight my son paid for. Only to go home and put a domestic violence charge against my son from the state she lives in. The police came to the door and interviewed each of us separately that day, and our stories all matched, he was charged with nothing. In the mean time she e-mails and texts my son telling him that she was forced to press charges against him, and she was going to have them dropped. Told him not to worry about coming out of state, she promised they were being dropped. She lied, and he was charged. But, he did not know right away. He thought they were done. Then out of the blue he finds out this girl is pregnant, after months of asking her and her denying he finds out he has another daughter she hid from him. So, again he tries to make it work… he asks her to marry him, they rent an apartment together in November, moving in December 15th, he moves out of state again, into their apartment she is still living with mommy and daddy, not working, but he wants the kids to have a family. Spends a ton of money on Christmas, spends 3 days at her house with all her family, then the last night, she goes thru his phone and finds a conversation where he is upset and is telling someone about her hiding the pregnancy and his daughter… of course he is upset when writing it, and isn’t nice. She gets mad at him, and her father tells him he has to leave like he is 15. The next day he goes over with flowers to apologize to her, even though that conversation happened when they were not together, she wouldn’t come to the door. Instead she calls the cops and he is arrested for violation of the restraining order. I’m like are you kidding me!! The best part is the cops said they were only taking into consideration the time from Christmas going forward, not the time she violated it, even though we had proof. Her mother is the ring leader, always lying, they violated the state welfare rules in a state they lived in saying that she lived somewhere else to collect money, she gives them her food stamps, they thought it was funny they could go to the “warehouse” and get free food all the time, the girl has never worked. Every time she told her parents she was coming to see my son out of state, she was at my house, and had my granddaughter lie and tell them differently. Now she has convinced everyone that my Son is a bad person, lying saying he threatened to kill himself and her. He has never, ever nor would he do that. He walked into a frozen yogurt shop the other night and his daughter was in there, this is a child that is supposed to be afraid of her dad, and is scared to be around him. She hugged my son and told her she loved him…. Lets talk about doing whatever mom wants because she is afraid of disappointment? She asked to talk with my son outside, she wanted to go back into mediation and see if they could fix things…I told him not to trust her, and of course she called the police, it was just another lie. Her own sister text my son and said “I know you love her but don’t, she is no good”, but the kids need you. No one will listen, it’s like no one cares. How can this happen? I just pray my grandchildren do not take after her Mother or Grandmother and lie like they do. My son is trying to get some type of joint custody, and they are using the domestic violence situation against him because they don’t want him to see the kids. I know they will pay for this someday from a higher power, but in the mean time, my Son, wants to see his children and be a part of their lives.

  • Sad situation mine happen after judge was also committee conspiracy he and his friend wish my ex-wife was dating concocted that idea to bring me on a domestic abuse case and just lied and said he didn’t know the guy she was dating and put me out of my house place a restraining order on me where they serve me papers for emergency hearing and the sheriff was kin to her warning be held in contempt if I didn’t get out of my house I sent papers to judicial performance Commission asking for the judge removal being that he was corrupt, lack of ethics the judicial performance commission said they found no evidence of nothing being done wrong. Haven file with the Commission I’m not allowed in the courthouse or the courtroom and I have no charges against me but law enforcement call on me and I’ve been threatened to be placed in jail and given a hot meal and I am a taxpayer citizen plus I was told by senator that laugh at me and said they tried to get over on me and to just pray about it nothing was going to happen to him now you tell me what type of Justice System we have

    • A justice system George that is imperfect and it takes people like us who have been falsely accused of this crime to gather together bring awareness to this type of crime because that what it is. It is a crime to falsely accuse someone of something they did not do and have them prosecuted. We should all stand together and demand change in our judicial system.

    • If any of you are familiar with Men’s Rights Activists, they talk about the same thing, so there is a community to help bring awareness to this. Problem is that feminist organizations try to shut them up, which perpetuates this problem. There’s documentary called “The Red Pill” that’s about this. I would suggest everyone find and watch it as it is eye opening and informative for both men and women. This is a really serious issue that needs to be properly addressed. I went through this a couple years ago with an ex girlfriend. She broke into my house one night and attacked me while I was sleeping. I called the cops on her and, when they showed up, she told them that we were inna relationship and that I had hit her. Neither was true, but I was arrested and convicted for that.

      I think most of the general public doesn’t understand how easy it is to get arrested for this. It almost takes no effort at all for a woman to have a man arrested for domestic violence.

  • I also paid for the expungement as well that was another thousand dollars but money is nothing compared to your sanity, freedom, and spiritual and physical well being. I am still emotionally healing from this ordeal and I will be doing so for quite some time now.

    • HI DJ -Your situation sounds similar to mine – first few posts by anonymous…and now my case has been sealed. The most helpful thing I have learned is to BE KIND TO YOURSELF. We need to learn to departmentalize what happened to us and put those negative thoughts in a box away from the positive things that are happening in your life.

      The psychopath that put me in this situation by falsely accusing me still contacts me through several mediums telling me how horrible he thinks I am, name calling, etc…..I have been completely silent. So, needless to say, I am not sure what to do at this point as the negative keeps coming around. I don’t want to engage him but I also want him to leave me alone and pursue a restraining order – another 4K probably…very frustrating because it is ALL BECAUSE THE DA DID NOT FILE AGAINST HIM FOR THE FALSE POLICE REPORT! He thinks he can continue to get away with horrid horrid things and the strong, good people get violated by our system!

  • On Christmas day 2016 my wife shot me with a .45 caliber hand gun through a door. When I came out of the bathroom bleeding she drew the wepon up to my face. After I got the gun from her I called 911. She ran out the house. When the police arrived she had told them that she never shot me that I shot myself. They took her down to the police station for questioning. While at the police station she though up a lie to get herself out of trouble. She told the police that I strangled her and that I shot myself to cover up Domestic violence. The first photos of her neck show no marks. She was told that they were going to do a DNA test on her neck. After they put her in the holding cell for about an hour she came out with marks on her neck. After being shot by my wife falsely accused of domestic violence they then arrested me. Right now Im fighting my case with a lawyer but if I do not win I will be facing 10-32 years for a crime I did not commit.

  • My brother has been falsely accused of verbal abuse which his wife ramped up with some pushing and restraining to be able to file a restraining order. They’ve been married for 37 years, have had 11 children, attend church regularly, and never argued during the child rearing years. Now there’s only one child left under 18. He’s beside himself and looking at a Tuesday court date. Would you recommend that we pay for an attorney before this hearing? We know that his wife’s assigned free attorney is unable to attend the court date and she is going to request a later date when her lawyer is available. My brother went to a free consultation and they quoted a $3,500 retainer fee. Is this the going rate? He doesn’t have that kind of money. Can he get a court appointed attorney and if so is that a good thing to do?

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